I have been fighting all week this feeling of being punished... and today, I can't help it any longer. The little girl inside my heart is really receiving the message "yes, you are a bad girl that's why you are being punished!" Since the bad event last thursday, my heart has been aching pretty bad. Not only that, but a list of few little weird things going on all around me lately has become a real big deal, like I lost my favorie pair of pants, I lost my video and photo camera, the mouse on the computer broke, I lost my cell phone, I had to cancel my trip to washignton to see my childhood friends because of a very stupid mistake I made when I bought the tickets.... I was supose to be there tomorrow!!!!! I'm so jelous of my other two friends, they are together right now and happy and laughing together... I was supose to be there...there with them too... I just feel like... everything is going wrong around me. And I know I can't blame no one but me. I feel I deserve everything that has happen, and if there is more to come, I deserve that too! I am sooo sad... I wish I could find my favorite pants, or my cameras, or something... at least something. I dont know. I saw that my friends try to call me several times today to let me know that L. arrived safe over there from her trip. I don't feel like talking... not at all.
I have no idea what is the purpose behind all of this, all I feel is that I deserve it. And I probally do, I am not innocent.
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